If I Talked to You the Way You Talk to You

Jane Elliott PhD
4 min readJan 23, 2023

You’d probably tell me exactly where to get off. And you’d be right. So why let yourself keep doing it?

Sign up for a free masterclass with me on 24 and 25 January 2023, 12.30 pm NYC/5.30 pm London.

Based on messages I receive, there’s a pretty clear consensus about the most resonant things I say when I write about internal resistance.

And it’s not actually the stuff about how much internal resistance sucks (though that’s a close second).

It’s the stuff about how struggling to use your talents fully isn’t a sign of being broken or less than or doomed to self-sabotage. It’s actually a sign that you are stronger, more determined and more committed to your own growth than you usually recognise. Because only people with those characteristics would keep showing up in this way.

Think about it: trying over and OVER to solve this problem, for literal years, is not the act of someone who’s broken or incapable or doomed. On the contrary. This is warrior shit.

Do you notice how you feel when you read those last two paragraphs? Based on what people share with me, it’s probably a little bit of hope, optimism, self-forgiveness, determination, or even self-respect. Those are also probably some of the feelings that made you decide it was worth it to keep reading my writing or sign up for my newsletter.

What’s amazing is that the view I’m offering in those sentences — the one where you’re actually doing something incredibly hard every day like a BOSS — is one you already have inside you.

I know that’s true, because if it wasn’t you wouldn’t have this positive emotional reaction. Think about what happens when someone gives you a compliment you don’t believe. Something in you recoils. That’s the feeling of cognitive dissonance, our brains’ way of refusing an observation that doesn’t fit our sense of reality.

If you feel something positive flicker internally when I point out the fierce determination you’ve been demonstrating every day, even when you don’t notice it — then that means on some level you know that I’m right. Somewhere in you is a view of yourself that already aligns with the vision I’m offering.

But, as I know you’re aware, that part of our brains doesn’t usually wind up in charge.

Which means we don’t access thoughts like the ones at the top of this email. Instead, we bury our knowledge of how determined we’ve been under an avalanche of seemingly true observations about how it’s never enough, we’re doing it wrong, we’re stuck forever, and on and on.

It’s the weight of that avalanche you’re pushing against, every time you lever yourself up to try again.

If I talked to you the way you talk to you, I wouldn’t be able to PAY YOU to read my stuff or subscribe to my email list.

But you’ve wound up reading your own ‘How I Suck’ newsletter all day, every day.

Imagine if instead you could access those warrior thoughts I laid out above — and that sense of possibility and self-respect and being on your own fucking side — every day, and not just when you read something that reminds you that this view is at least as true as the negative crap your brain keeps delivering.

Imagine if that vision of yourself as fierce and determined was the first thing on your mind each morning and the last thing you thought of each night.

Imagine if the thoughts about how you suck were the ones getting buried – under an avalanche of reminders that This is warrior shit.

It’s one of my missions in life to teach you how to do exactly that.

And on this Tuesday and Wednesday, 24 and 25 January 2023, I’m going to be doing it for free.

Sign up. Show up. Get tools. Watch other people get coached on the same stuff you’re dealing with. Volunteer to get coached yourself, if you want.

Learn how to write a different fucking mental newsletter, one that pulls out the absolute best in you.

See you there.

— Jane

Jane Elliott, PhD | Coaching

PS. Only a few slots are currently remaining for the February 2023 intake of Blazing Talents, my small group programme. You can read more and book a consult here. By popular demand, I’m also opening my Blazing Talents small group programme to men for the first time, beginning with the mid-March intake. Email me to find out more at info@janeelliottphd.com.



Jane Elliott PhD

Coach, Prof, Writer, Swear-er | I help high-achievers do the one thing they just can't do.