If I Talked to You the Way You Talk to You

Jane Elliott PhD
4 min readJan 23

You’d probably tell me exactly where to get off. And you’d be right. So why let yourself keep doing it?

Sign up for a free masterclass with me on 24 and 25 January 2023, 12.30 pm NYC/5.30 pm London.

Based on messages I receive, there’s a pretty clear consensus about the most resonant things I say when I write about internal resistance.

And it’s not actually the stuff about how much internal resistance sucks (though that’s a close second).

It’s the stuff about how struggling to use your talents fully isn’t a sign of being broken or less than or doomed to self-sabotage. It’s actually a sign that you are stronger, more determined and more committed to your own growth than you usually recognise. Because only people with those characteristics would keep showing up in this way.

Think about it: trying over and OVER to solve this problem, for literal years, is not the act of someone who’s broken or incapable or doomed. On the contrary. This is warrior shit.

Do you notice how you feel when you read those last two paragraphs? Based on what people share with me, it’s probably a little bit of hope, optimism, self-forgiveness, determination, or even self-respect. Those are also probably some of the feelings that made you decide it was worth it to keep reading my writing or sign up for my newsletter.

What’s amazing is that the view I’m offering in those sentences — the one where you’re actually doing something incredibly hard every day like a BOSS — is one you already have inside you.

I know that’s true, because if it wasn’t you wouldn’t have this positive emotional reaction. Think about what happens when someone gives you a compliment you don’t believe. Something in you recoils. That’s the feeling of cognitive dissonance, our brains’ way of refusing an observation that doesn’t fit our sense of reality.

If you feel something positive flicker internally when I point out the fierce determination you’ve been demonstrating every day, even when you don’t notice it — then that means on some level you know that I’m right. Somewhere in you is a view of yourself that already aligns with the vision I’m offering.

Jane Elliott PhD

Coach | Professor | Writer | Swear-er.