Published in Counter Arts·PinnedYou are Not Lazy or Undisciplined. You Have Internal Resistance.Why you can’t just do it, and what to do instead When I was writing my PhD I didn’t have bad weeks. I had bad months. The kind when each day you wake up thinking, “Today I will actually do the thing” and then you… don’t. Somehow the day ticks…Self7 min read
19 hours agoHow We Know if We’re Good EnoughWhen we believe meeting some future goal will finally prove we’re great at what we do, it can be profoundly motivating — until it’s really, really not. Here’s why it backfires, and how to leave it behind. For years in my academic career, every paper I gave felt like I…Self6 min read
Published in Forge·Nov 7, 2021Stop Listening to Your Horrible Boss — the One Inside Your HeadThey promise to make you more productive, but they’re actually holding you back. Here’s how to demote them. — The garden fork I was going to visit my family overseas in a global pandemic. I had to schedule three different Covid tests in a 10-day period in two countries. I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork designed by government bureaucrats who had apparently never seen a website…Technology7 min read
Published in Forge·Updated Sep 14, 2021Why Trying to ‘Turn Over a New Leaf’ Keeps Us StuckIt’s time to think about self-transformation in a different way — Several years ago, I was on an academic fellowship and pretty sure I was failing at it. I’d envisioned myself getting to my office early every day, spending several hours virtuously writing, and then knocking off at 3 p.m. for a run. …Psychology7 min read
Aug 7, 2021Just because you feel awful doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrongWe don’t give up on our goals because we feel bad. We give up because of what we think feeling bad means. Here’s how to think differently. Let’s say there’s a task that’s really important to you, but somehow you can’t seem to work on it. …Technology7 min read
Published in Curious·Jul 7, 2021Let your ego come along for the rideJust because it’s not good at steering or navigating doesn’t mean you need to leave it by the side of the road. Lately I’ve noticed my women clients saying things like “I know that’s just my ego talking” or “I know I shouldn’t care about the compliment, because that’s just…Self Improvement3 min read
Feb 26, 2021The indispensable asteroid yearsEverything we value in the lives we currently have rests in part on past bad decisions. Is there anyone who doesn’t have a time or phase of their lives they regret? Something that they can’t quite forgive themselves for? For me and many women I know, it’s stuff from our…Life4 min read
Published in Curious·Feb 17, 2021What Do You Love About Your Life Right Now?There’s a quote that makes the rounds on social media that asks something like, “Remember when you desperately wanted to be where you are right now?” Although I get the point, I always found this question annoying. The implication seemed to be that as soon as we notice that we’ve…Life4 min read
Jan 14, 2021What’s the point of personal development now?How do we measure the value of individual growth and aspiration in a moment of mass collective crisis? By personal development, I don’t mean self-care or seeking support for your mental health. I think the point of those in the present is pretty obvious. …Life Lessons5 min read
Jan 8, 2021I’m a life coach, and I’m in an awful moodThe best life coaches teach clients to accept the full range of human emotion. So why do we all show up with the same relentlessly positive tone? The tone of the mindset-coaching world is relentlessly upbeat. Which seems to make sense, given that mindset coaching promises to give you power…Life Lessons4 min read
