Why you can’t just do it, and what to do instead

When I was writing my PhD I didn’t have bad weeks. I had bad months. The kind when each day you wake up thinking, “Today I will actually do the thing” and then you… don’t. Somehow the day ticks…


It’s time to think about self-transformation in a different way

Several years ago, I was on an academic fellowship and pretty sure I was failing at it.

I’d envisioned myself getting to my office early every day, spending several hours virtuously writing, and then knocking off at 3 p.m. for a run. …


We don’t give up on our goals because we feel bad. We give up because of what we think feeling bad means. Here’s how to think differently.

Let’s say there’s a task that’s really important to you, but somehow you can’t seem to work on it. …


Just because it’s not good at steering or navigating doesn’t mean you need to leave it by the side of the road.

Lately I’ve noticed my women clients saying things like “I know that’s just my ego talking” or “I know I shouldn’t care about the compliment, because that’s just…


Everything we value in the lives we currently have rests in part on past bad decisions.

Is there anyone who doesn’t have a time or phase of their lives they regret? Something that they can’t quite forgive themselves for?

For me and many women I know, it’s stuff from our…


Image by cromaconceptovisual from Pixabay

There’s a quote that makes the rounds on social media that asks something like, “Remember when you desperately wanted to be where you are right now?”

Although I get the point, I always found this question annoying. The implication seemed to be that as soon as we notice that we’ve…


How do we measure the value of individual growth and aspiration in a moment of mass collective crisis?

By personal development, I don’t mean self-care or seeking support for your mental health. I think the point of those in the present is pretty obvious. …


The best life coaches teach clients to accept the full range of human emotion. So why do we all show up with the same relentlessly positive tone?

Image by Lucija Rasonja from Pixabay

The tone of the mindset-coaching world is relentlessly upbeat. Which seems to make sense, given that mindset coaching promises to give you power…


Because we could all use a reminder that dark times eventually end

Image by Mysticsartdesign

The first time I did something to mark the winter solstice, I wrote down everything I wanted to leave behind in 2016 on little sticky notes and burned them in my cast iron skillet. (This destroyed the skillet…


Here’s what to do instead

Most of us believe some version of the expression, “you catch more flies with honey” when it comes to other people.

We wouldn’t try to get a kid to work harder in school by telling them they’re stupid. We wouldn’t train a dog with smacks…

Jane Elliott PhD

Coach | Academic | Writer. There will be swearing.

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